


How a Rude Gentleman Calls

by SpontaneousPeriodical36



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Alien Biology, M/M, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:32:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7165679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpontaneousPeriodical36/pseuds/SpontaneousPeriodical36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wander is being pursued by someone making him an offer he's not allowed to decline. In a blind panic he runs straight into Lord Hater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How a Rude Gentleman Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first WOY fic. Please leave a Kudos and review if you have the time. This fic will be stand alone but I'm turning this into a larger series.

The air on Planet Tropicania was uncomfortably humid, even for one as resilient as Lord Hater. Already he could feel the moisture clinging to his bones making his robe sag uncomfortably.

He cursed Peepers under his breath. It better not take his commander forever to get whatever it was he was yammering about earlier. Not that Hater could be bothered to remember, having zoned out during that morning’s debriefing. It wasn’t his fault his commander seemed incapable of getting to the point. 

The exotic forest around Hater was teeming with life. Birds of numerous shades flitted overhead, releasing a cacophony of strange sounds and springy mammalian creatures leapt from branch to branch between massive trees. 

Had Hater been more of a nature lover he might have appreciated the copious amounts of fauna and flora, but being that he was of the conquering variety he could honestly care less. 

Kicking a rock listlessly with the toe of his sneaker, he sighed. It wasn’t hard to imagine someone like Wander enjoying this kind of planet. 

Suddenly, as if summoned, an orange blur shot out from behind a nearby bush. Startled Hater released a bolt of green cosmic energy. Missing its mark, the bolt left a shimmering scar on the trunk of a tree as whatever had flown from the underbrush rocketed into his chest. 

Hater blinked in confusion tightening his arms around a familiar figure as he once again felt like the butt of some larger universal joke. 

“Wander!” he groaned. 

The traveler in question said nothing, instead just shaking as he buried his face in the black fabric of Hater’s robe. It was obvious the small creature had been all out sprinting given how fast his small chest was rising and falling. 

Hater opened his mouth, ready to demand answers from the other but Wander beat him to the punch. Lifting his face, he let out a watery sob.

“Hater, please don’t let him take me!” 

Confused and more than a little concerned, Hater could feel himself holding his supposed nemesis a little closer to his chest. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, voice softer then he would have admitted too.

Hater couldn’t remember ever seeing Wander rattled like this before. Once upon a time, the skeleton lord would have relished such obvious unease on the other’s face but now he just felt disturbed. 

Wander looked up at Hater, long ropey tears leaking from his massive blue eyes. Just as the traveler opened his trembling lips to answer another blur shot out from the same direction Wander had come careening from earlier. 

Hater jumped as the figure skidded to a stop in front of them. He could feel his eyes widen, jaw dropping open in shock. The creature in front of them no doubt had to belong to the same species Wander did. 

This stranger, who was quite a bit taller than Wander’s demure height, was clad in an thread bare brown poncho and sporting dusty looking cowboy boots. Their fur was a dark shade of blue and covered them from head to toe. Their form seemed more solid then the softer sinewy looking Wander, yet they were still lanky compared to Hater’s bulky frame. 

The smirk on the creature’s face was nothing short of nasty. Honestly, Hater much preferred the happy-go-lucky grins of Wander to this fellow’s manic expression. 

The creature was still as they surveyed the surrounding area with narrowed eyes. Then with a laser-like focus turned their attention on a now frozen Wander. The terrified traveler let out a whimper as the creature locked eyes with him. His grip on Hater’s robes tightened. 

Hater could feel the tension rising in the air. Using his left arm the Skeleton Lord more securely cradled Wander. His other arm he held aloft as let his cosmic energy flow into his fingers. The resounding crackle echoed threateningly throughout the clearing. 

“Who are you and what do you want?” he snapped. 

The stranger’s smirk widened. Letting out an arrogant snort, the creature’s form relaxed slightly as they settled their hands on their hips. 

“Name’s Twister” they replied, their voice raspy, decidedly male “I’m just here to collect that hot little number clinging to your dress.” 

Hater sputtered indignantly. 

“It’s a robe, you hick!” he screeched, then froze, the earlier portion of the other’s statement finally registering. 

“Are you talking about Wander?” he choked. 

Twister rubbed his knuckles casually against his poncho clad chest.

“Certainly not talking bout you,” he replied the distaste obvious in his tone. He took a few steps closer, his gaze still locked with Wander’s. 

“I’ll just take that sweet little thing off your hands and be on my way.” 

Hater snarled his eyes glowing ominously. 

“Wander is my nemesis, interloper!” he bellowed viciously “so you can just screw off!” A green bolt of energy flew forward. 

Twister dodged smoothly, sprinting out of the way. He tilted his head in consideration, finally breaking eye contact with Wander and switching his unnerving gaze to Hater. 

“I’ve got no interest making any enemies mister. As far as I can tell I found the breeder first and that makes ’em mine. So why don’t you just go on and skedaddle before I have to make you” he replied. 

“Don’t call me that!” Wandered yowled. 

Hater raged, throwing another bout of energy bolts. 

“Did that furball just threaten me?!?” he roared. 

With a series of nimble acrobatic flips, Twister bounced out of the way of the attacks, landing even closer.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, mister.” He sighed. 

With two quick flicks of his wrists Twister unsheathed long deadly looking claws. The grin on his face sharpened as two fangs slipped from the pink tissue of his gums. 

Hater’s eyes bulged. He looked down at Wander. 

“Can you do that?” he asked. 

Wander shook his head. “Only the biological males of my species have the claws and such.” 

Hater felt his jaw go slack, his train of thought completely derailing. 

“You’re a girl?!?” he shrieked. 

Once again Wander shook his head, “No, I might have both the male and female bits but I refer to myself as a boy in the gender sense.” 

Had Hater not been embroiled in the middle of a battle, he definitely would have been grilling Wander for details. At the moment, however, he had to focus on dodging Twister’s rapid swipes, as the other tried to close the distance between himself and Wander.

With an explosive shower of sparks, Hater managed to send Twister flying back a few feet. The other landed gracefully, shaking off the attack with little effect.

“Come on honey” Twister crooned “I know you have to be itching for some little ones. All you have to do is let me put em in ya” 

He took a step forward prompting Wander to scramble out of Hater’s arms and into the hood of the Lord’s robe wrapping his thin arms around the Skeleton’s neck.  
Biting his bottom lip, Wander grasped the rim of his hat in panic. 

“I don’t want to have his babies, Hater!” he groaned, voice breaking pathetically. 

Hater took the advantage of having his arms free to double his output of cosmic bolts. This time he landed a hit that sent the little cretin flying back into the thick jungle. 

“Who’s the greastest!?!” Hater crowed. 

“Hater!” Wander cried, popping out of his hiding place. 

“That’s right!” 

“No! I mean, Hater listen! I forget to tell you. Don’t let him get ya with those claws. They’ll paralyze you like they did to Sylvia.” 

That answered where Wander’s Zbornak companion was hiding. Hater snarled as he scanned for any signs of Twister.

“You could have told me that earlier.” he snapped. 

Wander tightened the already restricting hold of his arms and let out a sob. 

“Please don’t let him have me”, he begged. 

Hater clenched his fists, infuriated.

“Like Hell!” he thundered “You’re mine Wander and some creepy blue bastard doesn’t change that!”

Green energy made the conquer's eyes glow brightly as his chest heaved from his exclamation. Hater was just about to start ranting when he froze, phantom tingle shooting down his spine. Turning around he fired blindly. 

Once again his aim held true and Twister hit the trunk of a tree his body still smoldering from as he slid down into the dirt. 

How many bolts was the blue monster going to take before he submitted?Hater glared as Twister pulled himself up and squared his form in preparation for another lunge. He smirked.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were throwing a hand in mister. Don’t know how you’d get anyone knocked up though. Do your kind even have peckers?” 

Hater let out another enraged howl.

“Of course I have a penis, you mangy animal! I can get anyone I please knocked up and I bet it’s bigger than your pencil dick!” he screeched, stomping his sneakers in frustration. 

Twister let out a mocking chuckle.

“I’m sure.” he purred “but I can guarantee you wouldn’t be able to satisfy that darling’s wet cunt like I can.”

Wander sputtered indignantly leaning out of Hater’s hood. “Rude! Hater could absolutely satisfy me if he wanted too. He’s the greatest and I bet he’s at least a hundred times better at making love then you are!” 

Twister shot Wander a lascivious grin, sending the traveler rushing back into the safety of Hater’s hood. 

“Well obviously he ain’t too interested given you ain’t even had one litter yet.” He replied. 

“I’m taking my time!” Wander shot back. 

Springing forward faster than either Hater or Wander could react, Twister charged with claws outstretched. 

“Well times up!” he cackled. 

The sound of a blaster going off had Hater blinking in shock. It took a moment for his mind to catch up as he gaped at the crumbled Twister twitching just mere inches from his feet. 

“Lord Hater!” 

Hater jumped in surprise as Peepers came rushing into the clearing, blaster at ready, its barrel still smoking from the earlier shot. Behind him came a stiff looking Sylvia, her face contorted in pure fury. 

“Where the hell is he?” she snarled, cracking her knuckles. 

Hater stared at her dumbly. 

“Who?” he asked. 

“That fucker who was trying to rape Wander!” She snarled her voice rising as her anger flared. 

Wander took this time to tumble out from his hiding spot, falling in a pile at Hater’s feet. Hoisting himself up by the fabric of the skeleton’s garment, he wiggled his finger at Sylvia in displeasure. 

“Now there is no need for language like that Sylv. Besides I’m alright, Mister Peeper’s knocked that jerk out something good and Lord Hater kept me safe.” 

Wander smiled adoringly up at Hater his eyes wide and worshipful. 

Hater could feel his cheeks heating up. 

“Whatever…” he grumbled crossing his arms 

Wander’s gaze went half-lidded as he let out a giggle, pressing just a little bit closer. 

Sylvia snorted, long since used to her friend’s obvious flirtations. Turning her attention back to the son-of-a-bitch who paralyzed her and terrified Wander, Sylvia roared in frustration when she saw that the prone form of Twister had disappeared. 

“He’s gone” she growled, glaring at Hater and Peepers. 

Peeper threw up his hands.

“Don’t look at me” he cried “I didn’t even hear him get up!” 

Sylvia glared at Peepers looking that much closer to stomping the petite commander into the dust. 

Wander sighed forlornly, pulling his hat from his head and staring warily out into the jungle. 

“I’m not surprised he got away to be honest. He’s sneaky. Had to have been trailing us a long time to ambush us like that.” 

The traveler gulped audibly, turning to look back at the group. 

“I’ve heard some pretty awful stories bout what happens when a male tries to force his way with you like that. They aren’t supposed to do that really but they don’t give up easy when they do and they don’t take no for an answer.” Wander said. 

His shoulders fell.

“If Twister catches me then that’s it. I’m not gonna be able to get away” 

Hater clenched his jaw, feeling a headache aching at his temples.

“Bullshit!” he snapped, “No freaky rapist is going to knock you up against your will.” 

Charging forward, Hater snatched Wander up by the scruff of his neck and started marching to the ship causing Sylvia to loudly protest as Peepers began stuttering out for an explanation. The skeleton lord rolled his eyes and glared at the two. 

“I’m calling a truce” He declared daring anyone to argue “at least until this bastard is taken care of.” 

Wander squealed loudly, kicking his legs out in excitement. 

“You really mean it?” he cried “Oh thank you Hater! I promise I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Yeah, whatever, just don’t make me regret it you little nuisance.” Hater grumbled, beginning the walk up the ship’s tongue shaped platform.  
Behind them, Sylvia and Peepers exchanged forlorn looks letting out simultaneous sighs as they slowly followed.


End file.
